I’m Working On It
This post in sort-of a follow-up to my previous one. This bitter winter weather has gotten me feeling all introspective lately. It’s no secret that after a solid week of temperatures hovering around a tropical zero degrees, windchills clocking in at 30 below, daily snowfall, and 35 mph wind gusts that prevent you from spending any more than the absolute bare minimum of time outdoors, much less outside of your snuggie – alone on the couch – will give you a brutal case of the thinks, the feels, and probably the blues too. Well, I’m here to tell you, it’s true. This winter (really, this week, but it feels like months at this rate), unfortunately, is doing nothing good for my mental or emotional well being.
I guess that’s not entirely true. My brain is working, I’m writing again (clearly! look at me go!), I’m making lots of plans, and digging into plenty of long-neglected projects. But this February has definitely given me a lot of time to think (and over think) and analyze (and over analyze) and plan (and over plan) and look forward to summer in a borderline unhealthy way because I’ve caught myself fantasizing on several occasions that if I can just “get through” the next four months, life will be glorious. Which may be partly true. With summer comes the hopeful promise of warmth, sunshine, vacations, day trips, relaxation, the great outdoors, exciting work projects I enjoy, fun outings with friends, and most importantly – really long-and-eagerly-awaited quality time with my hubby.
But allowing myself to think that summer is a gloom cure-all puts an awful lot of pressure on just one season in an uncomfortable, hero-worshipy sort of way and, I think, only sets us up for disappointment. I mean, there are bound to be a few crummy or dull days during the summertime too, and it’s just foolish to think it’ll be completely perfect. But, more importantly, I don’t like the idea of this whole “just make it until…” or “just getting by” or merely “getting through it” mentality. I don’t think life, any phase or any season of it – no matter how cold or gray or dull or ordinary or lonely or hard – is something we should strive to just simply “get through”. As if we’re waiting to the REAL life to start. As blah and blue as this winter time may be for me right now (and it is – “the winter of our discontent”), it’s still real life. It’s still my life. Life doesn’t start when you’re finally blissfully happy – when summer finally arrives or when someone comes home or when you find a job that fulfills you or when meet the right person or have disposable income or buy a house or get pregnant or go on vacation. Life IS then. But life is also now too, and it’s worthy of – at the very least – an attempt at being loved, enjoyed, and appreciated in all its stages.
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With all this in mind, I’ve been trying to keep my thoughts positive and remind myself of ways that I can help myself shake off this nagging funk and pull myself out of the winter/I-don’t-think-I-can-
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1. Find a way to love each and every day. Because we only get so many days, so there’s no sense wasting them. Eat a dinner you enjoy, do something you like, call a friend or family member – find at least one thing (but, really, as many things as possible!) that will help you love that day. Write them down daily if it helps. Write down the good things that are coming out of this time in your life. Write down a few things you’re thankful for every day. Whatever it takes, don’t go to bed without loving something about your day that, you feel, made it worthy.
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2. Get moving. Fact: exercise makes you feel better – physically and emotionally. It boosts the feel-good endorphins. Pick a way to move that you’ll actually do because you like it. I invested in an unlimited-access pass to a workout program that sets dance routines and strength training to music. That one-hour class, as many days a week as I want to go, has done wonders for me.
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3. Variety. Try to make sure every day includes some work, some play, some physical activity, some time outside, some time inside, some busyness, and some relaxation. Variety keeps life full and helps prevent the boredom blues.
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4. Live in the present. I’m really bad at this. My mind always seems to take me to the next thing I’m looking forward to, even if it’s months away, or to the dread of something difficult I know is coming – even if there’s plenty of wonderful things for me to enjoy between now and then. In theory, I understand how keeping my mind in what’s happening right now is important, but training my mind to do it is a struggle. But I’m working on it.
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5. Have something to look forward to each day or evening. For me, I need something to look forward to after work. So I try to always have something I like planned for the evening – food, friends, a phone call, a TV program I’m excited about, an activity – something to keep my spirits up toward the end of the day (which is my particular time of struggle – yours might be different).
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6. Avoid isolation. You know, it’s really easy to fall into a pattern of spending a lot of time alone when the weather is miserable and the roads are treacherous and everyone’s schedules are packed. But it sure doesn’t do anything for your mood. When winter is sucking the life out of you, it can be a battle to get out of the house or spend some quality time with a friend, but it’s worth fighting for.
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7. Strive for balance. That being said, it doesn’t help if you’re TOO overbooked – another thing I have definitely been guilty of for the past several months. Making room for equal parts socializing, working, your personal life, and R&R is key. They’re all necessary. Overcompensating in any one area to try to prevent certain feelings doesn’t actually help you feel better.
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8. Don’t let your mind get too wild with thoughts or plans. I’m a Type A thinker and planner. It’s what I do, and I’m good at it. But sometimes I rely too heavily on planning, analyzing, and thinking to keep my mind occupied when I’m feeling down, which isn’t healthy either. I have to remind myself to not plan out my entire life so I can enjoy surprises, spontaneity, and running with whatever comes my way. Every now and then, try NOT to plan a day or a trip or an outing – just go with the flow.
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9. Have goals. Wandering aimlessly does nothing for me. Focusing on specific projects, goals, self improvement, or things you’ve always wanted to try, do, make, explore, or experience does. It gives me purpose, which is a great way to lift your spirits.
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10. Focus on others. It’s amazing what thinking about others instead of yourself will do for you. Volunteering, prayer (if you tend that direction), getting involved in a cause or something you care about, helping someone in need, putting more thought and love into your relationships or conversations with co-workers, and a genuine smile and hello for a stranger you pass on the street can be really uplifting and help pull you out of yourself.
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11. Ask for help when you need it. While there’s no guarantee you’ll get it, people can’t reach out to you if they don’t know that you’re in need of something. And most people do really want to help, or throw some support or love your way if they can. Don’t be afraid to ask for a friend, a hug, someone to hang out with, an ear to listen, advice, a visit, a workout buddy…whatever it is.
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This list, by no means, is a claim that I know it all or have it together. That’s why this list exists, in fact. Because these are the things that I – through trial and error – found help me the most when I’m battling the blues or just a sucky week of bleak midwinter blahs. And every day, I still work at them. A work in progress. But I’m working on it. Progress is progress (winter, take note!).
