*A suggested itinerary.
Saturday
I’d recommend starting off your morning with a trip to the local farmer’s market up the street to ogle the freshly-picked vegetables and to select a block of creamy lemon zest cheese and a carton of brown eggs that were laid the day before. You’ll want to treat yourself to a sampling of the luxurious baked doughnuts and gourmet snickerdoodle and chocolate chip cookies sold there as well because they are positively delectable. Proceed homeward to play in the hose water wash, dry, polish and vacuum your vehicle and relish in the beautiful mid-morning weather. Take a drive in that handsome, shiny car of yours to explore a new-to-you area of Cincinnati that looks like a forgotten step back in time. Take a lovely stroll around the scenic playground and park just steps from your house while awaiting the arrival of your weekend guests. Enjoy a good old fashioned American cookout of beer brats with all the fixins’, BBQ and sour cream & onion chips, fresh-squeezed lemonade, watermelon, and homemade mini strawberry rhubarb pies. Turn on the radio, play a few games of washers in the lawn, whoop the pants off your opponents, then snuggle in for an evening of relaxing television watching, the likes of Deadliest Catch and Pawn Stars.
Sunday
After attending mass with a toddler who thumps the music issue shut during the quietest possible moment of the mass then declares in a loud, echoing voice “Are we done yet!?” hereby providing the entire congregation with some church-time entertainment, head home to feast on a lunch of creamy chicken taquitos, queso blanco dip, and cilantro lime rice – all homemade. Allow yourself a good half hour to roost before playing three competitive games of team washers in the front yard. Lay down on the bed for a few minutes to cool down beneath the swirling ceiling fan and end up taking the most cozy and thoroughly refreshing hour-and-a-half nap you’ve had in the last several years. Load up the car and drive five miles to the river between Ohio and Kentucky to Coney Island for an evening of shameless people watching, slushies, funnel cakes, beer, giant slides, roller coasters, bumper cars, glowing hot air balloons and an early 4th of July fireworks display.
Monday
Sleep in late, deck yourself out in red, white and blue and walk to the Independence Day parade in your local township. Applaud the Purple Heart Veterans, wave to the firetrucks and horse-drawn carriages, listen to the high school band playing patriotic tunes and scramble for Dubble Bubble and Starburst candies tossed out of vintage cars by cheerleaders. Your next stop should be the greasy spoon 1950s diner down the road for a late brunch where you’ll devour plates of breakfast food, onion rings, and Philadelphia root beer, all the while dreaming of the crowd you’d need to polish off the 4 lb. Big Nasty cheeseburger and 20-scoop, 4 topping ice cream sundae. Vow to make it happen…eventually. When the drizzles threaten head the children’s museum where adults definitely do not fit through the rope tunnels at the woods-themed playscape and make a pit-stop at the Duke Energy ball pit to watch a pair of clumsy siblings tear through the rope curtain entrance at warp speed, trip over themselves, then nose-dive and face plant it into the carpet. Laugh because that is the only appropriate response. Pull into the ice cream parlor for a dish of the world’s tastiest hand-scooped mint chocolate chunk ice cream. Finally end your weekend at home sitting down to a plate of homemade Italian sausage pasta casserole, a bottle of Door County black cherry wine split among the adults, ice cream & pop rocks cupcakes, and a late night of adult-only fun – hours worth of Wii Party games and a glorious view of your next door neighbor’s sparkling 4th of July fireworks display right from your living room’s picture window. God bless America!
*Note: The best way to carry out a relaxing, fun, and stress-free weekend of epic awesomeness is to plan nothing – no events, no times, no itineraries – and just go with the flow. Oh, and be sure to eat a lot. Oink oink! The one thing you can plan to do? Continue the tradition annually. :-)
