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Last month Time Magazine ran this somewhat controversial article – “The Childfree Life: Having It All Without Having Children.”

This article is important to me.

Let me be clear: It’s not perfect. There are flaws – some things not considered, some thoughts not fully explored, some viewpoints and ideas not fully expressed, and I truly don’t believe that anyone ever really ‘has it all’ – with or without children.

There are pros and cons to every decision, to every lifestyle. There’s nothing wrong with having kids. There’s nothing wrong with not having kids. They both have their pros and cons. I feel this needs to be made abundantly clear.

But I am glad to see this article hit the mainstream, and I applaud the intentions of this article for bringing awareness to the fact that there are people who actually choose not to have children for many reasons, and that doesn’t mean that they are infertile or unable to have children, don’t contribute positively to society, or are heartless, utterly selfish, hate children, not good people, or are any less of a woman or man for their choice.

Because I’ve found, from my own personal experience (and, disclaimer, my life experiences will be different from other people’s life experiences, and that’s perfectly okay!), that as soon as you get married people expect you to pop out babies. The questions about when you are going to have kids start instantly. Like it’s a requirement, an expectation, instead of an option. And if your answer just so happens to be “We don’t think we want kids,” women (and men too, but I’m a woman so I will speak from a woman’s perspective) are often (not always, but often) met with disapproving silence, looks, commentary, inappropriate questions, doubt (whether intentional, unintentional, well-meaning, or not), or flat out dismissive remarks along the lines of “oh, you’ll change your mind in a few years.” And maybe we will. It’s possible. But maybe we won’t. That’s possible too. And either way, our choice is valid. Women/men/couples should not be treated as if their private decisions regarding the choice to raise children or not are unacceptable, especially if, whatever their decisions are, they come from a place of love, reason, thoughtfulness, and good intention.

Everyone is absolutely entitled to their own opinion, and I think contrasting views that open the door to healthy, informative, and respectful dialogue that allows us all to hear and appreciate alternate perspectives that differ from our own, leading us to a better understanding of ourselves and others, is a great byproduct of an important conversation like this one. I am open to learning and growing and sharing my thoughts, and also hearing someone else’s equally-as-valid thoughts. Which is why I also think it’s important to take a glance at these articles below, all responses to the Time Magazine article above, some I agree with and some I don’t, but all of which I appreciate because they open up the conversation. There are many more out there, I’m sure, but this is simply the small handful I came across.

Response 1

Response 2

Response 3

Response 4

Response 5

Response 6

My hope is that, in the future, people might simply consider asking a woman/man/couple if they plan to have children rather than ‘when’ and that, whatever their answer may be, responses can be offered and reciprocated with an open mind and respect in contributing agreements or different perspectives, so that we can move forward, continuing to share and grow, as individuals and as a caring and accepting society. After all, it takes all kinds in this world. :)

In short, people who choose not to have children are not freaks. Amen.

(And neither is anyone else for their decision to have children or not, for that matter)

Also, 23 Things You Should Never Say to a Childfree Woman, for what it’s worth…;) I think most childfree women/men/couples will agree and (probably) invite healthy conversations, honest questions, and the sharing of insights…assuming those thoughts aren’t disguised as insults or phrased quite like the ones above. ;) A little tact goes a long way!