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Alternatively titled “The Weekend In Which I Came Home to Texas and Ate Three Times My Own Body Weight.”

That wasn’t even a joke. It was four days of truly horrifying quantities of non-stop food consumption.

In other words, it was glorious!

Kind of hard not to partake when a literal tub of sangria awaits your arrival as soon as you walk in the door. I knew I always liked these people.

There was – of course – the wedding feast to celebrate the marriage of my niece Jenn to her fiance Caleb, the mimosa bar stocked with champagne and flavored juices, the chocolate fondue fountain with assorted delicious dippers, the Mexican fiesta rehearsal dinner, guacamole (this is a food group in and of itself), three days of cake (bridal shower, groom’s cake for the rehearsal dinner, and wedding cake), a full pint of Blue Bell Moollennium Crunch ice cream…uh, for breakfast (oops?), multiple mugs of homemade sangria, fried chicken and mashed potatoes, cheesy tex-mex enchiladas complete with rice and beans, sushi, a mountain of the best mac n’ cheese in the state, s’mores and jumbo marshmallows enjoyed fireside, petit fours (4 cakes and counting), breakfast tacos, cheesecake with strawberries and more champagne (five cakes!), several hazelnut cappuccinos with biscotti, and continual nibbles from meat and cheese and fruit and veggie platters. In conclusion, if it was edible and within a twenty-five mile radius, I beasted it.

My jeans are screaming.

I’m pretty psyched to eat broccoli for the next month.

But let’s not dwell on that when there are so many other uniquely Texas things to dwell on…

Like the requisite sketchy-looking brown hairy spider that remained perched on the stone wall of our entryway for a good day and a half – haunting my dreams every time I passed by him, or the coral snake that slithered across the rock garden in our yard that entranced the kids into fits of joy, or the massive beetle thing adorning yet another outer wall of our house, or even the praying mantis – captured Sunday morning for my nieces and nephews to investigate before he was released, unharmed, back into the wilds of the great outdoors.

Freaky bugs are a Texas requirement.

No trip to Texas is complete without a plethora of nasty bug sightings.

But no scorpions this time, so we’ll consider that a huge “welcome home!” bonus.

Though the mantis was kind of adorable.

“Can I come out now?”

The spider, beetle, and snake? No thanks.

I landed in Ol’ San Antone (as our captain repeatedly referred to it as) on Friday morning, walked outside the airport terminal, and promptly peeled off several layers of sweater tights and cozy wool wraps when I realized it was a balmy 75 degrees out (and not the 25 degrees I left in) and, furthermore, that I was dramatically dying of heat stroke. I took a moment to question what kind of Texan thinks 75 degrees is too hot, silently mourned the loss of my supreme heat tolerance (and pride), and bellowed something along the lines of “what happened to me!?” and “who have I become!?” whilst I sweated buckets in the Texas cold front.

Once I got over myself, I enjoyed an afternoon with the family shopping for the wedding feast eats, ironing and folding tablecloths, and setting up tables, decorations, food, and favor baggies at the reception venue.

I may have also imbibed in some sangria and relaxation, enjoying the southwest-esque styled backyard I adore and have missed so dearly. There’s nothing quite like the Texas hill country.

It’s good to be home.

Friday night we all gathered for a Mexican fiesta rehearsal dinner catered by my favorite Boerne restaurant (epic mac n’ cheese and guacamole, I kid you not), complete with pinatas!

Brightly colored glitter-and-candy-filled pinatas should be a part of every celebration.

That is, in fact, a three-tiered Star Wars cheesecake, lovingly and awesomely made by my sister-in-law (and the bride’s mom) Tracy.

Saturday morning was all about the most epic 19-person Texas landscape family photo shoot in existence. The whole entire Bidus clan only gets together once every few years (Thank God for family weddings) so when we do, we make the most of it. An hour-and-a-half, a trillion pictures in every conceivable combination, and about two-hundred immature fart jokes later, I sure hope there are some funny outtakes to show for it.

Also, because Ted couldn’t make it this weekend because of his work schedule, I was the only Bidus kid without a spouse to take an immediate family-unit photo with. There are two ways I could have taken this disappointing news. You bet your buns I gleefully turned this into an opportunity to take professional pictures with my cat.

Pictures forthcoming. You’re welcome.

Maybe next time my husband will show up at family gatherings. (Love you, dude!)

After the photo shoot we all hauled off in our own directions to prepare for the wedding, and then came together to set up and make it happen!

Jenn and Caleb’s wedding was at Ring Mountain, a sweet and totally gorgeous brand new southwest chic little event venue perfectly situated at the top of a tall hill overlooking some of the finest views in the Texas Hill Country. Hills, lakes, and longhorns on a sunny day in November are the perfect fixings for a breathtaking Texas wedding.

God, I love this state.

My niece and nephew served as ring bearer and flower girl. Adorable.

Perhaps we should have clarified that the flower petals go on the aisle, not directly under the flower girl?

So gorgeous I can hardly stand it.

Yesssssss.

This was the cake service set used 46 years ago by my parents at their wedding, over 20 years ago by my brother Brent and his wife Tracy at their wedding, and now by their daughter Jenn and her shiny new husband Caleb at their wedding.

My brother Brent’s family. Fine looking folks!

With mom and dad, in our natural habitat.

The wild west Texas wind, blowing me away…again.

  You simply cannot resist the corny country song lyrics when you’re in Texas. You just can’t. It had to be said.

That’s better.

Girls in white dresses. And bubbles!

Halle Grace is not amused.

My youngest nieces and nephews.

Another fantastic cake (not to mention that super sweet cake topper!) made by my sister-in-law, and Jenn’s mom, Tracy. So pretty!

Sunset over the hill country. Stunning.

Sunday was about family, friends, relaxing, and eating (duh).

I met two of my closest girl friends Kelley and Katie for a classic tex-mex lunch of cheese enchiladas. It was to die for. We sat for three and a half hours. I miss them so much and feel so lucky to have such great friends.

Dinner was sushi with my friend Michelle. We’ve been friends since second grade – 19 years. And I still love her to pieces.

Isn’t it ridiculous that I have pictures of the food, but not of me with these three incredible ladies? Major fail! Next time I’ll have to be much better about this! Perhaps next time should also come sooner rather than later!

Sunday night after I talked for hours upon hours on end with my girlfriends, we had a family bonfire out back of the house. Dad built up a fantastic fire pit, totally enormous with all these great logs to sit on, circled around the fire. We roasted jumbo marshmallows, drank mugs of homemade sangria, cooked up some s’mores for each other, star gazed without all the interference of city lights, and enjoyed our time together – adults and kids alike, about 15 of us. It was heaven. One of those experiences you remember forever.

This trip didn’t feature my usual Texas must-haves – the snow cone stand, or the San Antonio riverwalk at night, the visit to the Alamo, or many of the other things I have grown to love and miss about this part of the country. But this time it had my whole family, which was even better!

And just in case you forgot where we really are…

…there’s always this sign on the door of the restaurant where we celebrated my brother Brent’s retirement from the air force on Monday afternoon to remind you what Texas is all about.

‘Til next time.

God bless Texas.