I don’t know where.
Easter Island.
St. Lucia.
Cabo maybe.
But wherever it is, I respectfully request it back.
Or I respectually request that my body join it.
Yeah, option two.
Anyhow, this week Ted warned me to be very very careful cleaning Mav’s tank and not to, under any circumstances, get any – not even a tiny morsel – of her gravel down the garbage disposal. Because, apparently, gravel destroys garbage disposals…or something. And I was very very careful. But I’d forgotten that a few days prior that conversation, whilst fishing an uneaten algae round out of the bottom of her tank, I’d also snatched up a few teeny tiny microscopic little pieces of gravel. Not thinking, I dumped it all down the drain. No biggie.
While Ted was at work the next day I flipped the switch to the garbage disposal.
No sound. Hmmm.
“Hello….Mr. Garbage Disposal? You okay down there?”
*gurgle gurgle*
Hmmm. Poor little guy must be sick. I’ll just call the office on my way to teach, I thought.
“Hi Kevin, this is Lara from Apartment 119. Just calling to put in a maintenance request for our garbage disposal, which doesn’t seem to be working. Thanks!”
When I arrived home I spotted the tell-tale neon green maintenance slip taped to the door. The “Repaired” box was checked, and under “Additional Comments” it simply said:
“Removed gravel from garbage disposal, dumbass. – Brad”
It didn’t really say dumbass, but it probably should have.
Because, really.
Brad was likely wondering why, how, and again, Dear God WHY is there gravel down the garbage disposal, and doesn’t every idiot this side of the Mississippi know that if you throw rocks down a garbage disposal it will make it croak? Women.”
And Yesterday, Easter Sunday, my computer, which we’d just gotten back from a long therapeutic stay at the Apple Store for repairs and the installation of a new logic board, began acting up again instantly, as soon as I turned it on. Instantly.
And of course I’m not going to stand for that kind of tomfoolery in this house.
So I immediately backed up my files, loaded the laptop into the car, schlepped 45 minutes over to the Kenwood Towne Center where the nearest Apple Store is located….only to find the mall closed for Easter.
As if I wasn’t ticked off before.
You see, I love Easter. It’s a beautiful occasion. And I’m all for celebrating it, at home, with loved ones….not out in public. In fact, I was tickled to not be scheduled to work this Easter like I was last Easter – although the egg hunt in the Cleopatra exhibit last Easter was quite joyful. I’m appreciative to have the day off to go to church and be with Ted. I think everyone should have Easter Sunday off. And I do feel bad for all the people who have to work on Easter Sunday, especially if they’d much rather be spending the time with their families or at church or something.
But, here’s the thing. Since when does the public observe Christian holidays? The last time I checked, every darn movie theatre in the U.S. of A. was open on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day and New Years Day. And nearly every single store in existence, certainly all the big malls, open in the afternoon on Thanksgiving and Christmas, which as a general blanket statement, I believe are more widely celebrated holidays than Easter. So, while I’m happy that the mall employees got the day off (silver lining, folks, silver lining), I’m miffed that a mall that is open on Thanksgiving and Christmas, is closed on Easter. It’s surprising in such a secular world.
And you know what? This is totally my fault. I mean, what kind of a person doesn’t call ahead to make sure a place is open.
Especially if you have to drive 45 minutes to get there.
Especially if you’re making a special trip just for that.
Espically if it’s a holiday.
Growing up in Boerne a.k.a The Sticks, which was about 45 minutes from any form of civilization when we first moved there when I was in the second grade, I know that you always, always call ahead. Just to make sure.
I know that.
Like I said….Cabo.
So, yeah, totally my fault.
But I was still ticked.
So instead, I thought of the silver lining. All those employees at home with their families today, probably outside enjoying this gorgeous day. The beautiful drive up there on a crystal clear Highway 275 with my windows open and the wind blowing and the sun shining. The great morning with Ted, eating dyed hard-boiled eggs and Polish sausage and going to church and talking to family and playing board games. And finally, the Kenwood area Trader Joe’s I went into to buy some healthy 100% fruit and veggie fruit roll-up’s and dark chocolate almond Lacey’s cookies, because dammit, I wasn’t going to waste my time or gas money for nothing!
I also washed my car this weekend without looking at the weather first to verify a zero percent chance of rain in the next three days.
And, Lord have Mercy, we all know that you never do that.
Sorry, Cincinnati. You might want to pack your umbrellas.
Brain….take me with you next time.
