Dear Self,
Yawn, yawn, yawn! You haven’t taken a nap in well over seven months. This is outright abuse considering you dearly relish a good afternoon nap like no other. You get two days off a week, and yes, while there’s a house to keep clean, groceries to buy, laundry to do, meals to cook, new jobs to search out, things to be researched, and work to be completed, there’s also naps to be taken. In the sun with the windows open so a cool, fresh breeze can blow through. No more skimping! Doctor’s orders.
Sincerely,
Lara
P.S. – And get thee to an orange tabby ASAP. I hear there’s a lonely nap-lovin’ kitty in Texas by the name of Sancho who looks just like this handsome fellow below. I bet he doesn’t skimp on the naps.
Dear Peeps,
You’re cute, colorful and animal-shaped. Despite these excellent qualities, I have to be honest: I’ve never really liked you. You’re a little too much sickly-sweet marshmallow nonsense for one sitting. And besides, Cadbury milk chocolate caramel eggs beat the figurative pants off you any day. No offense. Then I saw the adorableness that is the picture below and decided that I must have you and all your colorful, useful awesomeness for our summer bonfires. So I scooped up four brightly colored packages of your comrades for $.50 a package the day after Easter. Looks like there is a use for you after all. You’re welcome!
Sincerely,
Lara
Dear Mother Nature,
Um, what’s up with the severe thunderstorms, flooding, lightening, hail, high winds, and tornado warnings this month? Cut it out, lady! You’re antsy after a long winter, we get it. So am I. But can’t you find a more constructive way to channel your energy? I don’t get to unleash my wrath and fury upon small villages when I’m feeling a little testy, so why should you? We’re a half inch away from matching Cincinnati’s biggest flooding record in history (the Great Ohio River Flood of 1937) and our weather woman tells us that with the next batch of severe storms that’ll be rolling through in about…oh, 12 minutes, we’ll exceed it in no time. This is not something to be proud of! (But thanks for the greenest grass in the U.S.!)
Yesterday after work Ted and I took a perfectly lovely walk trough the neighboring subdivision, enjoying splashes of sunlight and a cool breeze. Today I rode Carmela up and down the streets for a while in the sunshine before the clouds chased me inside. It was divine! Let’s have more of that and less of this.
Sincerely,
Lara
Dear Travel,
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO FREAKING EXPENSIVE!?
I want to go to Texas and devour margaritas, sweet tea, Bill Miller’s BBQ, real Tex-Mex cuisine, Blue Bell ice cream, my mom’s home-cooking, and snowcones from the Snow Cone Lady. I have a cat that is in desperate need of his mother and the poor little guy probably thinks I’ve forgotten all about him. I have family to enjoy and friends to go out with! I cannot afford $400 airfare! Get over yourself and stop being so expensive just because you can.
Also, we have a honeymoon we’d really like to take sometime before our one year anniversary. We’re thinking maybe Germany, with possible stopovers in Belgium or Switzerland, or an Alaskan cruise, or an Icelandic adventure. Now, let’s be clear. I saved for this shindig. I saved a more than appropriate amount of money for a great international honeymoon, but it’s looking like mere pocket change right now. $1,500 airfare per person to Frankfurt is unacceptable. So is $600 to get one person from Cincy to Seattle to catch a cruise to Alaska. So is my indecisiveness. Not only do I want to go everywhere and do everything, which is unrealistic and therefore problematic in and of itself, but these superbly obscene prices are depressing. Soooo, snap out of Travel Universe, okay? And thanks.
Sincerely,
Lara
Dear People of Cincinnati,
Age 7 is entirely too old to be sucking on a pacifier, the term is not “cripple parking,” sipping wine while driving is totally illegal, museums are not clubs therefore they do not charge a “cover,” credit is not the ONLY form of currency in existence, and leggings still are not pants.
Sincerely,
Lara
Sorry, I don’t have a picture for this one. But if I did, can you imagine how great it would be? :-)
