Dear Pumpkin Seeds,
So, I was a little late on my Halloween pumpkin carving. On the upside, I did prolong your life by a good month and a half, and that is always a reason to celebrate. But now that I have gutted your three large pumpkiny shells, I am more than ready to season, roast, and enjoy the heck out of you. I cannot wait for the snacking feast that shall commence in front of a toasty fire with a winter woodchuck, and I will have leftovers for weeks!
Sincerely,
I’m Glad You’re So Delicious
***
Dear Snow Flurries,
For as much as I whine about you the mere thought of having to, God forbid, drive through you, I have to admit that you are calming and quite lovely. Yesterday morning you stopped by to visit for a few hours, and it was rather enjoyable and exciting to watch you. In fact, after 24 years of Texas living it actually seems quite unusual that it is December and you’re not here helping us to feel a little more Christmasy. Last year (you know, when we had a 316 ft. driveway to shovel) you basically parked yourself over Cincinnati and made yourself at home, but this year you’ve been oddly absent. I wouldn’t mind if you came to visit a little more often this month, but please choose days when my husband chauffeur is on duty . Thanks!
Sincerely,
Mixed Emotions
***
Dear Wednesday Night TV,
You are my mid-week sigh of relief! I’m go, go, go nonstop until I collapse into bed at midnight nearly every night of the week, so I love that I can always count on an hour and a half of relaxation and laughs every Wednesday between 8:30 and 10:00 p.m. Suburgatory, Modern Family, and Happy Endings, thank you for giving me a set period of time where I can drop the work, enjoy my husband’s company, and just let it all go. Thanks for being hilarious.
Sincerely,
TGIW
***
Dear Future Architects of City Downtown Districts,
Why all the one-way streets? Why all the parallel parking? Why all the sketchy parking garages? Why does it cost $8/hr. to park!? In the future, please think two-way streets, open parking lots, parks, and lots of lighting. My sanity thanks you.
Sincerely,
Parking Downtown Gives Me The Hives
***
Dear Cough & Cold,
Go away. You are not welcome here. And while we’re at it, please return my sense of smell and ability to taste immediately. It’s kind of a drag to have a Christmas tree you cannot smell, and an awesome meal you cannot taste. P.S. I’m also out of travel packs of Kleenex, household boxes of Kleenex, and $20 worth of cough syrup. You do reimburse, don’t you?
Sincerely,
Over It
***
Dear Christmas Break,
Game. On.
Sincerely,
Only 11 More Days of Work With No Day Off Until My Week of Sweet Freedom
***
Do you have an open letter to share this week?
