For what other purpose, beyond my own personal enjoyment and snark-tainment, does the Wal-Mart Christmas clearance section even exist? To clarify, that face is my imitation of the sleep deprived, desperate, and crazed look in peoples’ eyes as they maniacally shark the malls, pretending to exude Christmas cheer, on December 22nd whilst hunting for a thoughtless gift to fulfill some material obligation to someone who will be in line to return it at promptly 6 a.m. on December 26th. I think it’s pretty spot on. Also, I found my ugly sweater contest headpiece for next year’s competition (obviously). So did Ted. Can you believe somebody made one of these hats and actually thought “this looks fantastic!” and somehow conned a bunch of other clucks into agreeing with them because here these hideous creations lie on the shelves of Wal-Mart, inexpicably mass produced, yet oh-so-perfect for my mocking intentions.
I insisted that we visit Dallop Gourmet Cupcake Creations on the day before they closed their doors forever (not to sound dramatic or anything). This was a wise decision (the visit, not the closing). Cupcakes beat the gross, slushy snow blues every time. This is totally justifiable because, much like a polar bear (or something), I need a little extra fat on my bones to keep me warm in the winter. Also, please enjoy this rare shot of me actually wearing my glasses in public. This has happened approximately eight times since 2005 when I basically poured hydrogen peroxide into my eye, charred my eyeball, had to go to the hospital to get it flushed out, and was forced to wear my glasses for three weeks while my ph levels and eyesight returned to normal and my wounded pride healed. This was obviously a shining moment in my life story. But see! Here I wear them, of my own free will. There is hope!
Our simple, loveable Charlie Brown Christmas Tree and the gifts from the parents beneath it. I think we do a pretty good job of making our heater, a sawed bough from a pine tree, and a chincy fiber optic tree feel like home. Well done, us, well done.
So this picture pretty much has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but a few days before Christmas we journeyed through the snow storm pounding the NY state thruway to Syracuse to see Syracuse Stage’s musical adaptation of Irving Berlin’s White Christmas. And it was all kinds of excellent. I drooled over the chorus girls’ shoes (duh). I drooled over their costumes (duh). I drooled over the great choreography and tap dancing (duh. Because I’ve kind of always wanted to be a chorus girl. Really.) I loved the songs. I loved the humor. The acting was lovely. The nostalgia and cheer were heartwarming. So, in honor of this wonderful musical I present to you….the outside of the theatre. You’re welcome.
The Packers did some winning. Clearly, that means making faces in public is totally appropriate.
I also feel roughly the size of a small house. I can’t imagine why. I think we ordered pizza four times in a week and a half. That, by the way, is Ted’s vision of heaven – a daily pizza. My thighs are crying. I only complied with this ridiculous pizza palooza because A) the local pizza place was literally the only place that was open in the tiny town near our B&B on Christmas Eve, B) it was blizzarding out like woah midweek and pizza seemed like the easiest and safest option, C) we always order pizza on New Year’s Eve. It’s tradition. But I can safely say that I’m pizza’d out for the next three months while I attempt to return to a normal body weight and resume a respectable level of sodium intake. In other news, I make divine kiss cookies (Santa agrees), the crab cake eggs benedict I ordered was incredible (who knew?), and Ted’s blueberry pancakes were breakfast perfection. The special reserve Woodchuck Hard Cider I discovered at Beers of the World (I’m not even kidding. This place exists and it is amazing.) last weekend tastes like normal delicious Woodchuck but then has this great bourbon aftertaste that is just plain epic (you need to try this stuff immediately). And, more cupcakes – vanilla chai and turtle. Because consuming my own body weight in pizza, kiss cookies, and beers of the world just wasn’t enough, apparently. Cheers!
Oh, and Ted hoarded the ball chute at the museum.
The End.
P.S. No, it’s not. I lied. More to come tomorrow. I hope you can sleep with all the anticipation of greatness to come. Again, you’re welcome.
