Monthly Archives: July 2011

Do you remember my post from yesterday?

You know, the one in which I complained that I didn’t have anything quite epic enough to write about for Epic Fail Friday?

Obviously, you know what this means…

An immediate epic fail was born.

Don’t complain about something unless you actually want it to happen. Universe, you are a clever trickster!

This is my bowling shoe.

Approximately two hours before this picture was taken by yours truly (note the excellent photography skills) I was psyched because I not only realized that I hadn’t thrown away my ancient bowling shoes like I thought I did, but I actually located them in, of all places, my under-bed shoe rack and would never have to pay $3 to rent bowling shoes again! Amazing!

Earlier that day I’d sent Ted a text whining that I needed new bowling shoes because I didn’t have mine anymore and paying $3 to rent bowling shoes is asinine. Lo and behold my friends, ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find.

Off I went, new found shoes and all, to Cherry Grove Lanes to bowl ten games (let me repeat that in case you missed it…ten games) for $15 in an hour and half. What? Doesn’t everyone spend their Friday nights alone bowling until their fingers bleed?

Did I mention it was cosmic bowling?

It was :-)

As I was saying, ten games. I was on game number eight, full of youthful stamina and having myself a grand old time when the entire sole of my right bowling shoe decided to peace out. Take a hike. Go on vacation.

Okay, that’s cool.

I’m a trooper. And the night is young! And I’ve still got a full hour left to cram as many games into my $15 as I possibly can. Who cares that I’m now a good two inches taller on my left side, lopsided, and look like a goon? Not I, obviously. Have you seen what I wear to work? The show must go on.

And on it went. I bowled a 122 – my best score of the day!

Put that in your pipe and smoke it broken shoe. Oh and P.S. – It’s called shoe glue and I have some. Not so clever now, are you?

Somewhere around the end of game nine my broken shoe, Righty, had had enough of smoking his pipe. Righty, I assume, had a little chat with Lefty and before I knew it, I was left utterly and completely sole-less while my two bowling shoe soles were sipping cherry cokes and catching some black light rays underneath the stage left stool.

I, in the meanwhile, was bowling in nothing more than ballet slippers and basking in the deja vu of a certain pair of roller blades from, oh I don’t know…1997?, whose wheels broke apart into multiple pieces mid-stride not three weeks ago.

My possessions need to stop communicating with one another.

After game ten I decided it would be prudent of me to tempt fate no more, even though I still had a full thirty minutes left with which to sucker every last game out of my fifteen bucks. I gathered what remained of my shoes, and my dignity, and left a mere five games shy of my $1 a game cosmic bowl-a-palooza.

Laaaaame.

I texted Ted insisting that I needed new bowling shoes.

Again.

The moral of the story is this: It would behoove you to replace, or use for that matter, your crap more frequently than once every fifteen years if you want it to function.

If you’re looking to rid yourself of some roller blade wheels or bowling shoes, you know where to find me. Lopsided chick, lane 29.

The End.

Surprisingly, not much has happened this week worthy of an Epic Fail Friday post. Sad, I know. With the exception of my annual eye exam (which is always a humiliating epic fail) I haven’t made a blundering fool of myself yet. This week has been pretty tame as far as a standard week goes.

I do have a preponderance of work-related epic fails (preponderance I tell you!), as to be expected when working with the lunacy and ignorance that is the general public. Not to mention it is raging hot outside, so this apparently gives people license to act especially stupid or do ridiculous things like complain about free stuff. To anyone who does not work where I work, the erratic behavior we deal with daily isn’t quite as asinine. I could regale you with tale upon tale of all the crap I’ve dealt with this week, but you’d probably get nothing more out of it than an amazed snicker, eye roll, and audible sigh at people’s lack of ability to read or behave like a respectable human being. I could tell you about the fortune cookie from last week that was so stale that I could roll and unroll it like dough. While that’s a definite fail, it’s not very amusing. I’m planning to go bowling by myself on a Friday night, which could be an epic fail because it would be a bunch of beer-guzzling, chain-smoking old dudes…and me…thought I just might stay for cosmic bowling because black light bowling is amazing. I could tell you about my friend Sara’s personal essay questions for the GRE, which were apparently an epic fail (along with her deodorant today, she says). Or there’s the epic fail of the slightly worn out (I read) ship that’s going to dry dock to be completely renovated about two weeks after we disembark her. Sadly, none of this is particularly interesting or epic failing enough to take up an entire blog post. If you have anything wonderful to share, please feel free to post it in comments below to spice up this lackluster blog! Today’s post is all about teamwork. So, as my favorite sign in Cincinnati says “hop right to it!” – It’s from Kangaroof, a roof repair company! :-)

This morning I awoke early and dressed in my rarely-worn business finery (read: not denim, shorts, or dance pants) to attend the final of four arts workshops intended for small budding arts organizations in Cincinnati who are in the critical early stages of growth looking to improve their board development, strategic planning, grant writing, development and fundraising, and marketing skills. I’ve learned so much attending these workshops and I have truly enjoyed the opportunity to meet and network with professionals from other amazing arts organizations in our vibrant community (there are so many unique and worthy ones!!) and to increase my skillset when it comes to arts administration in the non-profit sector. Thus far I’ve dwelled predominately in the artistic realm of the arts (performing, directing, teaching, constructing, etc.) so it’s very interesting to receive more detailed training in the administrative side of the arts. The delicious breakfast pastries and attractive view of downtown Cincy from a sleekly decorated and plush corner office conference room weren’t all that bad either. ;-)

After the session I decided to take a little detour to the luxe Kenwood Towne Center mall. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, but rather had a short list of “generals” I’ve been browsing the market for good deals on. I had a rare few hours at my disposal and since this mall is immense and the heat outside even more so, I thought this might be a nice way to work in some daily exercise without the unbearable hazards of excessive heat warnings. Then I found the Godiva Chocolatier store and polished off two rich truffles in the blink of an eye. So much for my exercise. But I have no regrets because they were a totally delectable lunch. I browsed the Anthropologie, Apple store, Williams Sonoma, and Gap before arriving at the Sephora. I was helped pestered incessantly by a saleslady who had more makeup on her face than my face sees in an entire month. It was outright horrifying. She chose to highlight every single one of her features with a generous helping of, well, everything while I tend to stick to the “less is more” motto when it comes to my beauty routine. I inquired about a particular product I was searching for. She informed me that they no longer stock that item in store, then proceeded to recommend a different product to me. The only thought crossing my mind at this point was “why on earth would I take a makeup product recommendation from someone who looks like you do?” It’s a shameful thought, but let’s be honest, more often than not I am utterly terrified by the look of makeup sales associates. These are people who are supposed to be helping you mindfully select the right products for your face but they look like complete clowns themselves. It’s not very reassuring and I certainly feel awkward entrusting my outward appearance to someone who looks like they just stepped off the stage of a Broadway house. After pondering this for a moment, I decided that I didn’t really need the product I was on the hunt for. The experience was thoroughly convincing to me that less is more. This theory does not apply to the Godiva staff. They can force more upon me any day of the week.

This afternoon I walked through some pretty ritzy and impressive stores that carry a variety of nifty products from computers and household goods to clothing and accessories, most of which I cannot afford…ever. Usually, this disappoints me. I often feel depressed strolling through a high-end mall full of goodies that I like and that I assume would make me happy, but that I will never have. I cannot spend $116 on a skirt or $32 on a headband. But this time I enjoyed simply browsing without feeling bad about the things I like but will never own. The sales, the offers, the advertising, the endless display of electronics and beautiful clothing said only one thing to me – I don’t need all this stuff to be happy. I already have everything I need and more. Would it be nice to have it? Sure. But am I still happy without it? Absolutely yes. My husband loves me in jeans, a plain t-shirt, and a pair of sneakers with not a trace of makeup on my face. We have all the dishes and kitchen appliances we need. My computer is on its last legs, but I need merely an adequate replacement so I can do my work when the time comes. Fancy new clothing, a special cupcake pan, or a top of the line gadget isn’t going to make me any happier because our life is already beautiful as it is. We have a home, we have jobs, we have loving friends and family, and we have each other. And that’s enough. It always was enough and always will be enough. I left the mall well exercised, hopped up on a small sampling of chocolate, completely empty-handed, and totally happy.

{Rain Gear}

I can feel the money draining from my bank account every time I merely go looking for an umbrella, rain jacket, or water-resistant footwear. I think living in Ohio where we get a ton of rain and honeymooning in a traditionally wet location warrants the purchase of some rain gear, so I’ve been doing some browsing. I mean, it’s not like I won’t use it, but does a rain jacket really need to cost $99? Tack on $20 for a respectable umbrella that won’t collapse instantly and another $40 for waterproof shoes that won’t send you to work with wet, smelly feet or leave you sliding down the pavement and you’re already up to nearly half a paycheck. I don’t need expensive top of the line gear, just basic, non-hideous, functioning stuff. The search is both disheartening and ridiculous.

{Fruit}

Cherries, green grapes and rhubarb especially. I’m continually amazed at how I can go to the store and come out with $7.70 worth of cherries! And that was only the small/medium sized bag! Rhubarb is $2.99/lb. and green grapes are right up there with cherries. Laaaaame.

{Airfare}

Okay, apparently totally gone are the days of booking a last minute weekday flight for next to nothing because they want to fill the seats. Gone also are the not too long ago days of the $89 each way flights I used to frequently book at all times of the year. Big bummer.

Just thought I’d take the opportunity to share my recent shopping woes.

Happy Monday.

I’m thrilled to report that I have finally broken a score of 100 in bowling.

This is a truly wondrous accomplishment! Ted is a champ bowler who regularly breaks 200+ scores and finishes games with rows of consecutive strikes and spares. He not only has his own stylin’ bowling shoes, custom fit ball, and towel to wipe the oil off the ball between frames, but also a pack of that white powdery stuff to help the ball slide off his fingers (I’m using my best technical terminology here). Essentially, bowling paid for his undergrad schooling. Count me impressed. I, on the other hand, am an excellent Wii bowler.

While I love bowling, I usually select the most neon 8 lb. ball I can manage to locate, and hobble by with a hodgepodge of gutter balls, 3 pins down, 7 pins down, a spare here and there and maybe, if I’m lucky, a lone strike. Well, on Friday night not only did I break 100 (135!) but I also finagled my way through over half a dozen strikes and by the sheer dumb luck of getting a strike when the colored pin was in the head position, I even won a free game of bowling on my next visit! You better believe I was all kinds of stoked. Ted was happy because the lanes were real wood instead of synthetic, and I was thrilled to have finally figured out my advance, swing and release to a degree that my game is actually pretty good. It helps that Groupon, LivingSocial, and the mail coupons have been running some good deals on bowling lately. And it would be awesome if Ted could find the time to join a league again this fall. Just for kicks I’d love to join a league too – the weenie’s league for female bowling armatures, more specifically.

We also took my engagement and wedding rings in to be re-dipped and polished so they’ll be in top shape for our honeymoon. White gold tends to yellow a bit over time, but when you warranty your jewelry they can be re-dipped, inspected and cleaned as often as needed. I love it when I get to do this because they come back looking phenomenal. The sparkle is utterly blinding and I love it. What I don’t like about this process is that it takes about two weeks, meaning I’m ringless. It’s nothing to complain about, but it definitely feels like something’s missing. I’ll be happy to have them back, just like new!

Last night we hit up the Drive-In theatre in Amelia again, this time for a showing of ‘Zookeeper.’ Funny movie, lovely drive-in experience. Sometimes I really feel nostalgic for a time that I’ve never even lived in. Summer just cries out for cheeseburgers, milkshakes, and a movie at the drive-in, evening’s spent bowling, days at the park swimming or roller blading or bike riding, and nights cooking out and drinking cocktails on the porch. I figure we should stock up on all the fun stuff now before fall hits and we’re slammed with bustling work schedules, a move, and God knows what else. This summer has just flown by too fast. Ted’s going to be at a lighting conference next week. I’m really excited he has the opportunity to continue going to these kind of things and I know he’ll have a great time. I, in the meanwhile, will be taking advantage of the opportunity in his absence to attack the piles of work I’ve been meaning to do all summer long. If you’d like, you are more than welcome to hop a plane and come visit :-)

What recent triumph are you most proud of?

Thursday night we helped a friend of Ted’s from CCM pack a moving truck for his big move to a swanky new job in Florida. He was offered the job on Tuesday and had to leave Ohio by yesterday. That’s approximately zero time to pack up a full house, if you’re counting. I helped in the evening for a few hours after I’d accomplished all the stuff I needed to get done, but Ted was a real trooper and total lifesaver for this guy and showed up for most of the afternoon and well into the evening. Just for reference, the heat index was around 110 and, as usual, it was positively steamy with unreal humidity. We swam from house to truck and back. The dude also had like three sets of stairs to climb up and down and up and down and up and down in his place. It was miserably hot. Our efforts were rewarded with a huge, tasty Cincy pizza, square cut just the way I like it (sausage and mushroom in case you were detail-hungry – clearly this pizza was ordered by dudes) and offers of free beer. Unfortunately, none of us took him up on the beer offer because it was literally too hot to drink anything but ice water. Have you ever heard of anyone turning down free “thank you” beer? No? Me either. Welcome to summer in Cincinnati. Certainly nobody in their right mind would put themselves through the torture of helping anyone move in this obscene weather for the mere offer of pizza and beer. Free food isn’t worth heat stroke. What is worth it? The wonderful exercise (exercise = more ice cream. Give and take my friends) and the opportunity to help out someone who really needed it. That’s thanks enough. Pizza is just icing on the cake. Good deed for the week = accomplished. You can only hope karma pays you back in kind the next time you’re trying to move during a snow storm.

On the way home we drove past the ‘for sale’ house I’ve been swooning over since we toured it – you know, the one that’s perfect for us? The one with the spacious dry basement, fresh paint, glorious kitchen and stainless steel appliances (drool!!), dark hardwood floors, new plush carpet, marble bathrooms, gigantic rooms, reading nook, and woodsy secluded view? Yeah that one. It sold. I cannot describe to you my level of disappointment. My heart sank when I saw that the realtor’s signs had been taken down. I guess I knew it would never be ours, but as long as it was on the market there was still a chance. I could still hope that we’d make it work and put in an offer and it would be ours. I feel like we missed out on some wonderful opportunity. It’s a strange feeling to mourn the loss of something that was never yours to begin with. Can you even do that? I don’t know why I feel such a strong connection to this house. It’s crazy (I’m crazy) but it was love at first sight. I’m not eager to rush into the responsibilities of being a homeowner because that’s a major undertaking. But for the right house I’d be on board. I’m truly sad it sold to anyone other than us. One day when we have money (hahaha) I dream of swooping back into Ohio where, magically, it’ll be freshly renovated again and on the market, and we’ll finally be able to make it our home. In case you didn’t catch it the first time, I’m obviously crazy as a loon.

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Enjoy the weekend and stay cool, friends.

{One}

Skinny Cow White Mint Truffle ice cream bars

Now, I love me some Haagen Daz Sweet Chai Latte ice cream, and I def. have a carton of it on-hand hiding downstairs in the basement freezer for the crappy days when I need it, but let’s be honest, I can’t eat 16 grams of fat ice cream daily and not look like a moo cow on our honeymoon. So I turn to this. And believe it or not, it actually is just as tasty as real ice cream.

{Two}

Crazy For You

Yes, the musical. Yes, I know it’s kitschy and weird and dancy, but I still love it. Like, a lot. The music is this singer, choreographer and musical theatre ensemble lover’s dream. It may or may not have something to do with our high school performance of it that was, may I say, totally rockin’ for a high school production. But even to this day, I’d jump at the chance to be in this show again. Purple dress on the right and light blue leotard on the left. You’re welcome for that.

{Three}

My new sunset colored cactus

I’m excited about a cactus. Lord have mercy. P.S. my basil plant is finally growing and it warms my heart.

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{Four}

Cherry season

Duh.

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{Five}

Canvas photo art

Canvas: The updated, artsy way to display your prized pics. Love!

{Six}

The Squirrel Experience

I was driving down the driveway the other day when a large squirrel fell out of the tree, landed fluffy rear first with a booming thunk! on the hood of my moving car. I slammed on my brakes, terrified I’d hit the little guy if he rolled off. He regained his balance, scampered across the hood – claws clattering the whole way, jumped to the ground and ran under the fence. I was totally more freaked out than he was. He seemed to be okay (a little confused evidently) and looking back, it was so sudden and unexpected I can’t help but laugh.

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Monday night we were social. As in, we had plans to go to a place that we had never been before to spend time together in the presence of other human beings by our own free will.

This seems totally normal to you, doesn’t it?

Likely because you’re not a newlywed who was uprooted from all of your friends and family and dropped, friendless, into southern Ohio. When you’re just married and want to continually bask in the presence of your spouse, and you know no one in your new hometown, and you’re trying to get your bearings and figure out the city, and you have to maintain a home for the first time, and secure a job, it’s hard to find the time or gusto to really get out there and spend time with, well, anyone other than your spouse. That just the way it is.

Monday night was a celebration for a co-worker’s last day at work. To properly see her off and wish her luck in her new endeavors, our department agreed to meet for Mexican food and a night of bowling. And we actually went. By now I’ve been working at the CMC for nearly six months, and in that time I’ve grown quite fond of my co-workers – quirks and all. We’ve bonded over our shared misery of stupid people. We always have a common ground – and that common ground is often tales of “Dude you won’t believe the tomfoolery I had to deal with today!” Oddly enough I’d say that mostly everyone who works in our department gets along swimmingly. But before Monday night I’d never hung out with anyone I work with outside of work, so seeing them in a social setting was really very fun.

We wolfed down tacos and enchiladas, we downed beer and margaritas, and we bowled until midnight. It was a good time, and while we were sitting at the table sipping beers waiting for our respective turns to bowl it dawned on me how cool it is that we are all so very different, brought together by the completely random happenstance of all being hired by the same place, but we can still laugh, and get along, and find things in common. None of us probably would have met otherwise, and if we had, who’s to say we’d have been friends or even thought we had anything in common with anyone else or have been able to find anything to talk about? It’s amazing what working with people day in and day out can do to bring people together and how it can, unexpectedly, work so well.

Just a thought.

And yes, Ted and I did have a wonderful time and it would behoove us to do this whole social thing more often. Party at our place? While we still have a place.