Per Ted’s request I’ll be attempting to implement a weekly Epic Fail Friday post on our blog. I say “our” blog because it pertains to our life together, but knowing full well that I’m the only one writing here. Ted is still avoiding swooping in for a guest post like the plague. Clearly you people aren’t pestering him enough. Get on that please.
I’m still partial to my Open Letters Thursday as I relish the opportunity to sock it to the big dummies out there and tell it like it is in a non-confrontational manner (I hate confrontation. I’d rather brew feverishly in solitude), but sometimes just remembering that I have something specific to post on a specific day of the week is quite the task. So I’ll do my best to remember both Open Letters Thursday and Epic Fail Friday, but don’t hold me to it! For example, today is Thursday and I have no intention of blogging an Open Letters post today. Instead, to further the confusion, I’ll be posting Epic Fail Friday on Thursday. See how this works? Excellent. Let’s proceed.
Today I have two Epic Fails. You lucky ducks you!
Epic Fail #1: Looking for an easily-accessible utensil to stir my disease-inducing artificial sweetener into my peach iced tea with at dinner one night last week, I reached for the nearest fork. I ignored Ted’s cross-eyed glance and plunged said fork deep into my tea glass and began to stir. Suddenly, just as the fork was fully submerged, it came to mind that that fork was the very fork Ted was using just moments prior to fish saucy, potent bits of pickled herring out of the jar with. SO disgusting. In case you were curious, pickled herring does not compliment peach tea. Epic fail.
Epic Fail #2: Ted was buying a small pack of OTC allergy meds at Kroger on Sunday after our seven-mile forest bike ride had gotten the better of his nose and itchy eyes. If you remember from this post that I wrote way back yonder (yes, yonder) in March, Kroger has this totally absurd policy of wasting plastic to print up a plastic sticker to reward you for not using a plastic bag. Clearly I love this for all obvious reasons and I particularly enjoy ragging on the extreme stupidity of it all. Well, the young gentleman at the pharmacy counter stuck a big old honking “Less plastic? Fantastic! Thanks! You saved a plastic bag!” sticker on Ted’s tiny little box of allergy meds. Then he wrapped the box (with the sticker on it!) IN a plastic bag and handed it to Ted. When Ted received the bundle, rightfully befuddled by the presence of both the stupid sticker and the plastic bag, he handed it back to the cashier. The naive young man, clearly a few crayons short of a box, took it back and said only, “Oh. You didn’t want a plastic bag?”
“Oh. You didn’t want a plastic bag?” Not, “Oh man, I’m so sorry. My mind was on autopilot hahaha,” but, “Oh. You didn’t want a plastic bag?” How could he have missed such beautiful irony? Epic fail.
If you have a great epic fail that’s still tickling your irony bone, please be sure to leave it in the comments. We could all use a good chuckle. After all, I was up late last night demoniacally constructing a make-shirt tornado shelter complete with bicycle helmets, candles, lighters, flashlights, touch lights, extra batteries, weather radio, water bottles, body pillows, and more in our basement. All that working myself up can be exhausting. So, share the wealth and don’t hold back on those epic fails.
