If you’re anything like me and deeply appreciate the obscene tomfoolery that is magazines like SkyMall, Williams-Sonoma, and Anthropologie that charge approximately $178 for a stylish yet utterly stupid and/or impractical object, like a digital talking jewel-encrusted soap dish, that you could not fathom ever needing yet alone paying a tidy portion of your paycheck for, (and if you don’t mind a bit of profanity in exchange for a hearty laugh) then this quick read will make your day. This dude’s humor had me in stitches. Because, really, 25+ smackaroos for a twine acorn holder? What the hell IS that anyway? And pray tell why on earth anyone actually needs that crap? Do you really need to be buying a motorized alien butler, waistband stretcher, Siamese “slanket”, bug vacuum, or toilet roll iPod docking station 10,000 feet above the ground? Astonishing.
Clearly, I’m a lady. And being such, I can respect the desire for a sweet pair of eye-catching earrings or a fancy foodie cooking appliance as much as the next lady. After all, I’m only human. I’m not saying you won’t see a jar of dreamy Door County honey mustard, a doughnut baking pan, gourmet loose tea, mason jar wine glasses, moccasins, girly earrings, footed velour pajamas, a rustic wooden bathtub tray, or a waffle maker in the shape of Texas on my Pinterest wish list. Are these items fantastic? Yes. Are these items totally useless? Also, yes. But are these items ungodly, catastrophically, immorally, and unreasonably expensive? Comparatively, no. And will I ever actually cough up the cash to own them, of my own accord? Probably not, because thinking “heh, that’s weird” and actually buying it are two different ball games. But, honestly, how can an intelligent being with even a lick of common sense not enjoy browsing such magazines and simply marveling at the stupidity of what asinine objects we Americans will plop down our hard-earned money for? Put stupidity to the tune of sarcasm and I’m hooked! There’s a pretty handful of great articles out there, detailing the ludicrous items from the likes of the magazines listed above for your purchasing and wallet-emptying pleasuring – wittily penned, of course. Sometimes I Google search for them when I need a good laugh. I suggest you do the same if you ever find yourself in need of a quick midday pick-me-up. Like magic and without fail.
What are some of your guilty searching and/or reading pleasures?
