I know this has, traditionally, been my Thursday topic of discussion, but today warrants an Open Letters post like woah.
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Dear City of Cincinnati,
To whom may I address the bill for the $17 car wash I just had done when one of your nasty concrete trucks in a shabbily-assembled highway construction zone sprayed the entirety of my vehicle with a thick layer of gray concrete backwash? I am not impressed, but I am willing to forgive as, I assume, you will be reimbursing this expense. I accept checks.
Sincerely,
Not Made of Money
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Dear Inventor of the Child-Sized Shopping Cart at Grocery Stores Across America,
Worst. Invention. Ever.
Sincerely,
The League of Respectable Citizens Who Destest Being Crashed Into, Delayed in Every Aisle, or Run Over by a No Less Than Three Maniacal Four-Year-Olds at Kroger on Monday Mornings
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Dear Mothers of Manical Four-Year-Olds Who Give Their Kids a Missel-Sized Shopping Cart to Run Amuck with at Kroger on Monday Mornings,
FOR REAL?
Sincerely,
The Rest of Civilization is Not Amused by your Poor Parenting
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Dear Girls to Whom I Teach Musical Theatre on Mondays,
If we could have just one class period wherein you do not attempt to beat the tar out of each other, I would be eternally grateful. Also, though I think you’re all swell little humans and I enjoy our time together, your listening skills are kind of sub-par, in the deepest sense of the word. May I kindly ask who raised you?
Sincerely,
It’s Not Your Fault that You’re a Product of Your Enviornment, But I Still Love You Anyways
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Dear Homemade Applesauce,
Thank you for being so delicious on a day when I need you so.
Sincerely,
Your Maker
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